Reyno Rants: Definitely not a bar advocate
Credit: JEN DOEDE
Going to the bar tends to be a way for people to let off some steam and have a good time, but in reality, this trend is overrated
Iíve never understood people that go to a bar. Donít get me wrong Iím not coming from a position of condescension here, I just genuinely donít understand the bar experience. I see going to the bar kind of like getting the flu shot. I donít want to wait in line for it, itís a real pain in the buttÖ er, arm, and Iím probably going to get sick anyway.
Alcohol already costs and arm and a leg so why would I want to go somewhere thatís going to charge me five dollars for a shot of the cheapest rum they own? At the LCBO I can get a nice bottle of vodka for $40 or $50, but just because I want to dance later youíre going to charge me $100.00 to get a bottle at your club? Thatís insane, thatís highway robbery, thatís extortion!
Speaking of extortion, donít even get me started on cover prices. I just stood in the freezing cold for 20 minutes and youíre still going to charge me just for the chance to step into the warmth of your dingy bar? So what happens when I finally get in there then? Free shots? A bootleg screening of Stephen Kingís It? Complimentary coat check maybe? Nope, nothing whatsoever. Just the privilege of having a DJ try to deafen me the moment I step inside. Cover is a little bit like the bar holding people hostage, isnít it? Going to a few different bars in one night can cost up to $40 in cover charges alone, so what do most broke college kids do? They have to pick one bar and hope to God that itís not a complete dive.
Speaking of dives, where do you get off charging cover in the first place? You donít have any toilet paper in the stalls, the soap dispensers ran out of soap last year and the floor is more mold and beer than it is floor. If I can walk into your bar and smell grime hanging in the air, what the hell are you doing charging me cover?
When I ask my friends why they go out to bars instead of getting together at home and getting hammered at home for $20 or less, a lot of them reply, ďOh itís just a great way to meet people.Ē Excuse me? Have you ever been to a bar? Unless your definition of meeting people is screaming ďWhat did you say?Ē Into the ears of strangers all night, then youíre not really meeting anyone. Most people donít even want to talk unless youíre buying them booze in the first place. Hell, the only time I can even hear well enough to have a conversation is in the bathroom, which is the one place I donít want to be having a conversation. I donít care that you just had seven Jšgerbombs Iím trying to go pee and youíre standing uncomfortable close to my urinal.
What is it about the bar that turns guys into complete weirdos anyway? Guys at the bar drool more than boxer dogs, and they somehow have worse manners too! So what if you bought her that drink, she doesnít owe you squat. Last week when Brad bought you McDonaldís did you have to suck his dick for it? Hell no. So whatís the difference now?
The bar will forever be a foreign enigma to me. A place that turns reasonably intelligent people into animalistic cesspools with no self-respect, or control. Iíll take a basement game of beer pong and a bottle of Captain Morgan over Jackís or Ceeps any day of the week