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Self proclaimed ladies man loses the touch

Tabitha Stevens | Distorter Media | Distorter | September 17th, 2007



Poor Donnie Tomfool, a wonder man amongst the high school babes, is finding out striking out at the college level is easy to do.

Before Tomfool registered at Fanshawe he spent the past three years trying to get free from the shackles of attending a private, all-male, parochial college.

“I was a real ladies’ man, to say the least: always talking to girls, helping them with different things, occasionally flirting when I was in high school,” said Tomfool. “But since my first year at Cornhole Collegiate Institute, my dating life has diminished. It’s went from mild action to little, if any at all.”

Tomfool was a real charmer, buying bracelets, teddy bears and flowers for his sweethearts with the money he saved from his paper route, and doing all those usual lovey-dovey things you can imagine. However, the parade of ladies came to a halt when Tomfool’s mother announced, “an all-boys’ school will help you keep your head on straight and your pants around your waist.”

“As you can imagine, I was furious. I couldn’t even imagine going to an all-male school. How would I survive without seeing or associating with the opposite sex?,” asked Tomfool. “No girls, no flirting, no nothing. I may as well serve a prison term.”

Now free from being in an all-male environment Tomfool is finding hard to get back into the groove.

“Is it me or is it my lack of exposure to the opposite sex that has made me the way I am, fumbling around with my words and lacking that Billy Dee Williams with a Colt 45 smoothness?,” questioned Tomfool. “I believe it’s been a lack of exposure. Yeah, sure, I go to the parties on Fleming Drive and other social events where I will likely meet girls, but I can’t seem to get to know a girl in what is meaningless small talk, while ducking beer bottles, barf and the police.”

Tomfool thinks he’s lost touch with the female mind after being in his former male dominated atmosphere.

“I knew what the girls’ thinking was in high school. Now college aged, the babes thinking has changed, leaving me out in the cold,” said Tomfool. “Just this past weekend I tried talking with this girl and those sweet things that I did in the past seemed to fly over her head. She said my moves were “old school” and “silly.” At first I thought it was just this one chick, but I got more or less the same reaction from all the other girls I tried to pick-up. I was so out of touch with these girls that I didn’t have a clue what they wanted and apparently punching a girl you like in the arm lightly to get their attention went out sometime in 2004. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
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