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New training for shack staffers

John Shag | Distorter Media | Distorter | April 7th, 2008



Eight of the Shack's most elite bouncers went through a grueling five-hour training session last week, and many of them almost cracked under the pressure.

To start the training, staffers were given 10-to-12 out of province driver's licenses, three of which were fakes, and were schooled on who should make the cut.

“When I saw the ID from Hawaii that only has one name, I knew it was a fake,” said Pete McFarley, who has been bouncing at the Shack for the past two years. “It was even more obvious when the picture was stuck to the card with duct tape.”

But by far the most physically trying task began when the women showed up.

“All of a sudden, like 20 chicks showed up in bikinis,” McFarley said. “I knew it was going to one of the hardest things I have ever done.”


All eight men were summoned to stand on either side of the models, whose sole job was to distract them while at work. While the ladies strutted, some of the men looked away from temptations, while others succumbed to the view, sneaking a glace out of the corner of their eye.

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
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