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Love Lola: Lady whiskers, tag alongs and money versus sex

Lifestyles | March 15th, 2010



Dear Lola,
Iím graduating from my program in April (yeah me!) and then Iím headed to Western next fall. I figure Iíve got three more years of school ahead of me. Someone in my class is going to be in the same program next year and Iím not impressed! Iíve been Ďhelpingí this person out since first year with every project and assignment and I cannot stand doing it for three more years! How do I make a clean break now?
Student Groans


Dear Groans,
Sounds like youíve had a coattail rider for the last year or so and you were so close to shaking the bugger loose when suddenly you see yourself dragging their sorry butt through three years of grad school; no wonder youíre sweating!

The problem with community college is that itís so small. The classes and courses are so close-knit; you become emotionally attached and accountable to your peers with an obligatory mandate to assist them with their success. Fortunately, university is nothing like that. Even if you and this loafer are working towards the exact same degree, there are dozens of electives and options to choose from, so chances are pretty slim that you would end up with the identical schedules that you have now.

Just be sure to complain all the time next year about how completely overwhelmed you are with schoolwork and incapable of keeping up with the hectic demands of higher education. You might even need to fudge a few failings grades to get this tag along to tag someone new.

Good Luck.

Dear Lola,
My girlfriend has a moustache. Itís not like a 60 year-old lady in the supermarket checkout, but itís there. In the right lighting, I can count four darkish hairs to the right of her upper lip and two more under her left nostril. Problem is; she has no clue! I donít know if the lighting is poor in her bathroom or if sheís in denial, but I need her to trim the Jim or Iím outta here! What can I do?
Mr. Whiskers


Dear Whiskers,
Itís a sad day when a man is counting hairs on his girlfriendís lip instead of just planting a kiss on her. I wonder how you were able to stare at her long enough to actually count the hairs without her becoming completely freaked out!

Okay, so you saw four hairs, maybe six. Is this seriously the end of the road then? Weíre human beings; the only place we donít have hair is the palms of our hands and soles of our feet. Anywhere else is free game my friend.

Sure, a teen Ďstache on your girlfriend doesnít SCREAM sexy, but there are simple, inexpensive ways to remove the offensive follicles.

Try this plan: Simply tell her about your buddyís girlfriend that has a mustache. Tell her all about how freaked out your buddy is and that he might break up with her if she doesnít bleach it or get some tweezers out. The conversation will be enough for her to drag out the magnifying mirror the next time sheís in the bathroom and do some investigating to be sure that she isnít sporting a Selleck.

Sadly, girls like to feel better than other girls, so the best way to approach anything uncomfortable is to bring another woman into it. We fall right in line!

Good luck.

Dear Lola,
I need you to settle a bet between my friends and me. I say that a woman cares more about how you are in bed than how much you make and my buddies seem to think that money can buy you happiness; whoís right?
Penny Lover


Dear Lover,
Oh, what a delightful wager; I wish youíd mentioned what was on the line in this argument it would make it so much more exciting!

Money vs. Sex; itís a timeless quandary, isnít it?

On the one hand, money can buy you a home, a car, pretty things, food, clothes, vacations and a good education. Unfortunately, a designer handbag isnít going to give me an orgasm anytime soon. Even if it is Coach.

On the other hand, a good role in the hay can be terribly disappointing if youíre literally in hay! If weíre living in the sticks, scraping by each month, shopping the GT Boutique and eating Mr. Noodle, the biggest prize in town isnít going to pay my hydro bill.

The truth is, you need Ďem both folks; the bang and the bucks! I donít want to curl up every night to a wad of cash while my partnerís dysfunction fills the space between us. I also donít want to be left breathless and shaking while the other residents in the homeless shelter watch the free show.

Hereís a tip; get a job thatís good enough to put food on the table, but maintain enough stamina that you never get around to actually eating it.

Good luck.

Love Lola

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