Current Issue: Friday, April 12th, 2019

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Interrobang articles by Tim Handelman


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B.A.L.L.S.: Canada defined by lack of choice
What can be said about this world in our heads, these minds with minds of their own? The election is upon us, another opportunity to pretend that we live in a democratic society. Democracy is not the opportunity to vote for one of four old men... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Canadian dough-B.A.L.L.S.
Next time you get the chance and you are standing up, look down. Can you see your toes? I was in the food court at Masonville Place the other day. Man, are we getting fat! There was a time when there were no chubby kids, just fat bankers and ... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Perspective
These last few weeks have been filled with so many global hardships and disasters! It makes one really take stock of what we have, and perhaps what we take for granted. The following is a blog entry from a friend of mine and a friend of many her... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: A solution for those pesky door-to-door salesmen
B.A.L.L.S.: A solution for those pesky door-to-door salesmen The 1950s saw the birth of the door-todoor salesman: bibles, encyclopedias, housewares, insurance, Fuller brushes and the new promise of plastic - Tupperware. I wonder how these peop... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Chemical warfare on ourselves
Ask yourself this: how many bathroom products do you use on a daily basis? You know, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, shaving cream, toothpaste, perfume, cologne, eyeliner, lipstick, aftershave, mascara, nail polish, zit stuff, cover-up, wart r... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: P.A.L.L.S.
Do you like candies, fresh little candies? The ones that Grandma slips to you during church that make the Minister's words even brighter. How about skipping on a hot sunny day through Gibbons Park? The children are splashing and playing, the ge... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: A patron saint for everything
So, Valentine's Day happened. What a funny day: corporate-sponsored holidays in the guise of holy tributes to dead men and women that other dead men canonized to uphold the continuance of new and improved characters to add to their sales job. Li... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Two minutes faster leading to destruction
Born, fed, TV dinner, TV tray, flat-screen TVs on all day. Off to school, pass or fail, it doesn't matter, we all prevail. Girls, boys, making out in cars, smoking, drugs, booze and bars. Porn, sex, pregnancy tests, off to college, university, w... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Checking out can be a depressing end
You ever really look at those magazines that are displayed at the checkout counters of grocery stores and pharmacies? One would think that they place all of those magazines at the checkout to keep you occupied while waiting your turn in line. ... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Until the end of time
Every week I write about smaller irritations in our society, hence the acronym B.A.L.L.S. — Bitching about Life in London and Society. Looking at all the smaller irritations is slowly spelling out a pattern to me. What is missing is a sens... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Misery on the bus
The bus ride Before I get into it, let me list my top 10 things that irritate me about riding the bus (in no particular order): 1. Drivers who alternate between gunning it then jerking to a halt so that even if you're sitting you need to ... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Climate change and alien invasion to save humanity
A funny thing happened to me over the holidays, a realization that some people aren't half bad. Give me a sec and; I will get to that. Christmas happened an odd ritual: some sort of spiritual ego satisfaction garnered by purchasing goods th... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: April 11, 1954
Recently a bored American scientist, William Tunstall-Pedoe, decided to work out which day of the twentieth century was the most boring. He plugged over three million global events into his computer and came up with a date, April 11, 1954. I thi... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: The irration list gets a little longer
The Leftovers I know, who likes leftovers? Nobody generally likes anything that has been left over — unless it is something you want and somebody left it over there. The following is a list of left over irritating bits that don't quite ... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Idling our way into oblivion symptom of society
Background: Waiting seems to be a big part of modern society, which is ironic because people hate waiting. We are an instant gratification society. Small bites of life served up fast and furious. We are in the midst of a snack time culture t... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Trials at a grocery store
My top 10 things I hate about grocery stores, in no particular order: 1. People that decide they don't want that expensive steak after all and leave it there beside the crackers. I think that grocery stores hire people just to go around and pi... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Awkward moments at the bar
You're standing in a line to get into Jack's on a Friday night — you and 500 others. Huddled girls are wearing tight black dresses with high heels that crank their backs, making them look like a horde of Guns n' Roses groupies that spent... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Everyone is doing the litter bug
Background: It seemed to me, upon embarking on this article, that the populace at large would recognize littering as a global issue. A Google search on littering and its practices left me scratching my head. What do you suppose was the numbe... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Simply beautiful
INTERMISSION Sponsored by the 1980 Super Special Mad Magazine summer edition It's a great big beautiful wonderful incredible super spectacular day and your heart is humming with good times coming and you got that happy feeling things... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: A new symphony
“All the doors in this spaceship have a cheerful and sunny disposition. It is their pleasure to open for you, and their satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done.” “Please enjoy your trip through this... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Roadkill, anyone?
I was on my bike last Friday, passing through the parking lot of that mall on Oxford and Highbury. You know the one: where it seems that if you buy a full load of groceries you get a free shopping cart to take them home in. Wheel-flipping shoppi... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: The medieval knight in modern times
The medieval knight's suit of armour was extremely expensive to produce. This armour was also a status symbol. The better the quality of the knight's suit of armour, the more important the knight. A knight's suit of armour was strong enough to p... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Rude rules the day
This week's article was going to be much more eloquent and included a garbage can, a chicken and an elected city councilor/junk removal man. Unfortunately I have had a bad day so I feel compelled to write on a number of issues I am finding here ... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Taggers in different forms
Bitching about Life in London and Society a weekly column that attempts to delve into the smaller irritations in our society The Tagger, expanded Background: Last year I wrote on the unique form of life that scrawls on walls. I delved i... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Knock knock peddling
Bitching about Life in London and Society is a weekly column that attempts to delve into the smaller irritations in our society. Background: The 1950s saw the birth of the door-to-door salesman: bibles, encyclopedias, house wares, insurance ... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Tagging ridiculous
Bitching about Life in London and Society is a weekly column that attempts to delve into the smaller irritations in our society. Oompa Loompa doompadee doo I've got another puzzle for you Oompa Loompa doompadee dee If you are wise you will lis... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: The car idling rodeo
Bitching about Life in London and Society is a weekly column that attempts to delve into the smaller irritations in our society. I was in northern Alberta last summer, and observed a very ritualistic-pack like event. One that surely rivals the d... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Boom boom tunes
Bitching about Life in London and Society is a weekly column that attempts to delve into the smaller irritations in our society. Remember those dances that you might have participated in at a wedding, or graduation, or bar mitzvah? That dance where ... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Littering - everyone's problem to deal with
Bitching about Life in London and Society is a weekly column that attempts to delve into the smaller irritations in our society. This week we take a look at littering. It seemed to me, upon embarking on this article, that the populace at large would... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: Bathroom etiquette pissed away
Bitching about Life in London and Society is a weekly column that attempts to delve into the smaller irritations in our society. Issue #3: Public bathroom etiquette Background: I remember once in high school arriving in the morning and heading st... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: The lonely abandoned grocery cart
Bitching about Life in London and Society is a weekly column that attempts to delve into the smaller irritations in our society. Issue #2: Those that leave shopping carts in parking lots instead of in designated sheltered areas. Background: I a... Read more

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B.A.L.L.S.: The bus rider and mass transit issues
Welcome to B.A.L.L.S. - Bitching about Life in London and Society - a weekly column that attempts to delve into the smaller irritations in our society. Issue #1: Those individuals that take up both seats on a busy bus. Interview one: So I got... Read more

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